Tuesday, September 3, 2013

To Be the Who, To Who the Be.....


To Be the Who, To Who the Be.....


A few days ago my daughter Sage started middle school... As she continues at school it is going to be intriguing to watch her try on selves like jackets as she discovers the one that fits best...


Her journey to self-discovery helps me reflect and look back over my life (and particularly my time at UCSC) and marvel at all those Dereks that I have tried on ---> Personalities I wore and discarded...


I think we try on selves that are available around us... So down in ol' Santa Cruz I found super hippy Derek on the street.
This is the derek after Dr. Metal....
and Captain Cleancut at end of high school through the rest of summer...



In Santa Cruz fall of 1985/spring of '86, I had found this red shirt with little mirrors on it at the flea market which I wore all the time and decided to stop brushing my hair and wearing shoes (and underwear!)... Basically to be a 'soily.'.... I developed these thick callouses on the bottom of my feet... I even went so far as to go backpacking barefoot wearing a 40-50 pound backpack!...
I discovered something very interesting on this trip: our shoes are good in that they protect us from the sharp rocks of the trail but they also keep us from feeling the soft forest duff that lies there waiting to envelope our soles in a plushness beyond words... I took this as a metaphor for comfort in general: By seeking a cozy or agreeable life, we level out the natural curves of the external world--yes we miss the storms but we also miss the scents of the sunrise and the dawn chorus of hundreds of birds... a trade off we often don't realize we even made... (For the record, I put shoes back on once I left Santa Cruz and moved to San Francisco. There is just too much fecal broth in that great city to walk barefoot in...)



So here today I marvel at this Derek that has settled into my shoes: Dad, husband,mixer, ukulele player... What other me's await discovery? Or am I stuck with this fine life I am wearing now? Which other whos could I be? Teacher? Rock star? Wandering inspirationalist? What choices did I make to become these mes?... Is there a better Derek waiting to be unearthed? What does the future hold and how will I react to find the next derek? Do all my whos correspond to Chapters in the Book of Derek? Does each chapter have its own Derek?


It's funny, as I wander this forest of memories it seems most of these mes are just changes in clothes and or hair—external reflections off of the internal, eternal gem.... Does this mean there is only one true Derek and all those vehicles were built on the same chassis? Where does the water end and the wave begin?


That is part of the joy of hindsight/nostalgia... Turning the focus knob to see the details of my days at different depths of the microscope, but like they say in the Tao Te Ching, 'surface and depth are in essence the same thing- words making them appear different...'


But back to Sage...This is one of the best parts of being a parent... watching and learning how the sausage is made (so to speak)... Seeing how the clay of who-ness is shaped as our kids grow... I have always felt a great responsibility to the rest of humanity to try and grow good humans--> Sane girls and respectful boys. Inevitably, one has to question nature/nurture... What is DNA versus life experience versus place/culture?


But with this Derek here, this vehicle I am driving---I just hope to be as present as I can: To try and know whichever self I am wearing as best I can... (again the famous phrase... 'the more you learn, the more you learn that there is more to learn')


So here is a poem I thought seemed relevant that I wrote when my Dad was sick, and on through after when he died...


You don’t have to look far to see yourself
This piano is tuned to the sidewalk.
In sympathetic resonation
to silent conversation
between the bass and the treble
footsteps.
And as if these piano keys
were leaves in the wind of my senses
then these hammers can be seen as the banks of a stream
while my strings are the clear waters
-that either rush or reflect
everything except
the frame that holds them apart.
Thus
when blood dripping from my soundboard
scabs a 3-d crucifix
this is a personal apocalypse.
Not unlike
falling in a sky of knives
only to be eviscerated,
behold though my grain is articulated!
And this grain when placed in flame
yet again reveals my nature.
(Tree limbs still branched from the tree cannot into themselves see)
But this is no limb from no tree
I am the instrument of harmony
and as such how will I burn?
Will embers leave only metal debris
and charred and splintered ivory?
Can notes still emote from wisps of smoke?
Or what songs remain in my ashes?



Tuesday, May 14, 2013

The Guide to Understanding




The Guide to Understanding
At our core, I think parents are insecure. With Parenthood we have embarked on the most difficult journey our species will attempt. Can we grow good humans? Can we watch these little souls become fine citizens, great friends -Good people!?---> Mensch! ( (Yiddish: ‫מענטש‬ mentsh, cognate with German: Mensch "human being") means "a person of integrity and honor." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mensch )

I feel we have a responsibility to the rest of humanity: Do not release damaged goods out into the wilds of the world... Everyday we see all the crazy people in the news perpetuating evil...How can we not help but ask, “Are we doing this right?”
There is no instruction manual for raising children. When our kids look to us for answers, will we respond correctly? Most of the time we just fake it and pretend, 'Of course we are right?!!' (the scary thing is majority of what they learn from us is in our unspoken actions...so...yikes!) But inside we are still uncertain if we are giving the children the correct guidance... (Well at least I am!)...

Back in mid February I found two articles on twitter (One was from the Wall Street Journal: How to run your family like a business - and reduce stress and conflict: http://t.co/bX9E3AHP and the other from the Atlantic Want to Give Your Family Value and Purpose? Write a Mission Statement http://tinyurl.com/d6km9yo ) about some families who were trying an experiment in the management structure of their families. Both immediately spoke to my insecurity and sense of adventure.
The Atlantic article starts like this:

Every parent I know worries about teaching values to their children. How do we ensure that in today's ever-changing world they understand some beliefs are timeless? How do we truly know if they grasp the qualities that are most important to us?

These articles discuss families who have tried to revamp how information is spread and how decisions are made within the family unit. These families turned to corporate America for a possible new way to organize themselves, based on the 'agile software' approach.
It's a system of group dynamics in which workers are organized into small teams, hold daily progress sessions and weekly reviews.It promotes adaptive planning, evolutionary development and delivery, a time-boxed iterative approach, and encourages rapid and flexible response to change. (The Agile Manifesto introduced the term in 2001.) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agile_software_development

       This idea of spreading decisions horizontally appealed to my 'Meh, it might just work' side. Families have always been run in a top-down hierarchical style, with orders coming from the 'boss' or 'management team' and filtered down to the 'workers' or 'drones'... We had had reasonable success with this traditional method, but we still had conflicts and misunderstandings, and so I wondered is there a better way to parent?
       We had a family meeting and discussed this new strategy. Sage, (my 11 year old daughter) immediately loved the idea as it gave her some more power and control over her life. Edie, (my wife) wasn't too sure if it was going to work , and Bodhi (my 8 year old son) liked that the idea had started in video game companies.
From the Atlantic: “Jim Collins, the author of "Good to Great," says that great organizations "preserve the core and stimulate progress." The same applies to families, while you need to keep introducing new ideas, you also need to identify the bedrock principles you believe in. One way to do that, he said, is to do what other organizations do: create a mission statement.”

What was the Hirsch Family mission statement? What are we about? Who do we need to be? What do we want to do? After an evening's discussion we created this slogan as to what our goal is:

To be examples of kindness and civility (and have fun) in our home and in the world

Part of what we considered when developing our 'slogan' was a quote from the Atlantic which referenced

Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, which was published in 1989. In it Covey suggests "The goal is to create a clear, compelling vision of what you and your family are all about." He likened the statement to the flight plan of an airplane. "Good families—even great families—are off track 90 percent of the time," he wrote. What makes them good is they have a clear destination in mind, and they have a flight plan to get there. As a result, when they face the inevitable turbulence and human error, they keep coming back to their plan.

Then from the Wall Street Journal:

What are the benefits of such a statement? A central finding of recent research is that parents should spend less time worrying about what they do wrong and more time focusing on what they do right. The family mission statement is a clear way to articulate what your family does right.
Next to continue the fun, we decided on a brand name and a logo.... We thought of maybe 'Here Hirsch Home', or 'Havi Navi Gravi' or 'Crapjabber' or 'Toadturd' but finally settled on 'BE HIRSCH NOW!' (with a hat tip to RamDas' famous 'Be Here Now') … Then I got silly and created our trademarked logo:




From here we decided to set out what I called a 'Family adjective value matrix compilation' to further define our brand and define who we were and what we wish to achieve on this planet. So we asked a series of questions and wrote down everyone's answers:
What words best describe our family?
  • Happy to be together/homebodies
  • creative
  • readers
  • problem solvers?
  • Gratitude
  • comfortable with ourselves
  • awesome
  • irritable
  • yelling
  • hugs
  • loving
  • fun
  • kind
What are the strengths of our family?
  • reading
  • we get stuff done (eventually)
  • supportive ideas/constructive criticism
  • we can entertain ourselves
  • we know ourselves
  • we like the same things
  • we look forward to family time
  • we value nature/family/music
What would you like others to say about us?
  • Kind
  • giving
  • happy
  • generous
  • not overly obnoxious
  • helpful
  • good/neighbors/citizens
  • awesome
  • not bad
  • smart
What makes me want to come home?
  • The deck on a sunny day
  • i'm tired
  • to see/hear other people's days and experiences
  • have to go pee
  • hungry
  • hugs
  • laughter
  • ukulele
  • I want to know my family
  • a book
  • no homework
  • be by myself/ no one bug me
What is the essential mission of this organization and what is its main strategy in accomplishing this mission?
  • Absolutely no meanness...that means you can't be mean while telling someone to stop being mean...using niceness/kindness
  • Be kind to each other and other people...A politeness...manners/utensils/no slime sleeve/ and no interrupting...B... Help others with chores/volunteer/ reach out...C ...reflection on how I affected others each day
  • Support each other --- in learning who we are...Strategy: ...listen to what others say in an open way and offer to help
There. BE HIRSCH NOW! Was a fully articulated idea: We had done all this busy work and had fully defined our organization so away we went off into the Garden of our Days. (It will be interesting to have quarterly shareholder meetings and chart our 'profit/loss ratio' in terms of 'kindness' 'civility' and 'fun'...-Thanks Dan Toma for this suggestion!)
      Then within a week, there was a fight. Some battle over something and the children lost it and were crying on the stairs, or in their room thrashing. I looked around and said to myself, “Where is our mission statement now?”
      What I had realized at that moment was a common occurrence in young startup organizations- a disconnect between our written goals and our day to day actions. How can we weld the two together?
      So, another family meeting was called and we discussed this new wrinkle. Edie, being a teacher, had a great suggestion based on some training she had done at her school: We needed to work on our emotional lexicon. She had this flier (from the Girls Leadership Institute) which showed different emotional states; her idea was let's use these images in times of conflict to help find words for our feelings. Me being me, I wanted to take the concept even further to what I called --->“The Guide to Understanding.”


       One night after dinner I sat down with Sage and came up with actions based upon all the different emotions expressed on the paper. My vision is to print them up and laminate the actions on the back of the emotional picture page and hang it in a common area, so when we are losing our minds in a battle we can grab “The Guide to Understanding” and try to work through our disagreements. If it works I will sell it to the United Nations! (In truth, can't we all improve our connections to our emotions and the language we use to explain how we feel to others?)

Here is the list of actions to the emotions shown on the page:
What is the 'Action' from the 'Emotion'

1.Happy!
2.Confusion- Explanation
3.Panicked-Comfort
4.Anxious-Comfort
5.Angry -Give space

6.Betrayed -Explanation-Rebuild Trust
7.Frustrated- Communicate- Break the frustration down into steps
8.Ecstatic -Give space?
9.Hurt -Sincere apologies/discussion
10.Guilty- Apologize make good/reparations

11.Used- Make the person who made me feel used do the same/learn from the situation so that it will not happen again.
12.Calm-Share it, Be left alone, harvest it...
13.Relieved. -Express how you feel, breathe,relax,smile.
14.Annoyed-Express the way you feel,OMG!, Share the experience, Commiserate
15.Disappointed- Accept and figure out another option-Learn why I felt disappointed and learn how I empowered the other person to disappoint me, so that it will not happen again

16.Embarrassed- Seek solitude and reevaluate -
Move on with gratitude for learning opportunity
17.Scared- Find people around you, think of good things, Educate yourself,
Take control of what you can
18.Enraged-Take space, Use my words, breathe,Yell?
19.Excited- Tell everyone why I'm excited, Breathe, Try and keep it in Perspective,
Live it! ,Be Present, “BE HIRSCH NOW!”
20.Insecure- Self-Knowledge, Be comfortable with your self, SING a SONG!

21.Sad- Hugs, Be present with it. Think of happy things-
Talk about it... No Sniffings!(Derek)
22.Content!
23.Confident- Humble, humility
24.Jealous- Recognize and (vaporize feelings of?) why you are jealous
25.Lonely- Be with people, Entertain yourself, ( with books, ukuleles, spin!,iphones?)

Ok then, this is where we stand in our experiment. I haven't done the printing/lamination process yet so we will have to see how it works on the front lines of life.....Overall, day to day life has not changed much under this new corporate restructuring, but it has been an interesting educational process.

      In closing one last quote from The Wall Street Journal....
Parents need to look for new ideas wherever we can find them. As Jim Collins told me, the more any organization knows about itself, the better it's able to deal with life. "And one thing we know about life," he continued, "is it's going to hit you in random and unexpected ways." If you don't have your own frame, he said, you'll be whipsawed by life. If you do, you're more likely to succeed.






Thursday, January 10, 2013

When You Drink of the Water Think of the Source*.


When You Drink of the Water Think of the Source*.

I started writing this Derek's Debris in the first weeks of December before we went on strike against the PAC-12. But in light of these events the theme of this debris: Mentors, is all the more timely. For this group has gladly taught their crafts and just the WAY TO BE on a sports remote broadcast. These actions establish a legacy that distinguishes this market.---> It is what we are fighting to maintain against the armies of beancounters and executives at the PAC-12 network.

We are a guild- A group of craftspeople who have always set paths of leadership by example; what they call in the Tao Te Ching, “The teaching without words”.

What I fear (in this most crappy of winters), is that we will lose the tradition of mentorship that I grew up in: this market will splinter into two crewers and we will lose the openness to teach, lest someone usurps our jobs.... But I have faith we will prevail. We will stick together and ride this wave of sh*t all the way back to baseball season....

So with that let's roll the open in 5,4,3,2,1....

I enjoy the past. I am blessed in that (for me at least) it is a safe place to go. I treasure my strolls through The Garden of Memory. So this month I will try and link the past with the present.

My philosophy has always been: 'If someone is thirsty, give them something to drink'. I learned this from my mentors. It seems this has been the way things have always been in this market.

Our skills are very specified - just because you know how to frame a shot doesn't mean you know how to shoot sports. You may be a whiz mixing records in the studio, but those skills might not translate to mobile broadcast audio... And so on. What amazed me when I started out in this industry was people were willing to freely answer any question I might have without fear I would steal their jobs. Why would they do this?





Mitch, Dustin,Liz, Rick, Frank, Phil and Lief


I once misheard a Bob Dylan lyric. He sang, “You are a walking antique” And I thought he said, 'You are what you can teach'. (I always liked my interpretation better)... How does this apply in reflection back upon my teachers?

My early A2 career didn't go so well. I promptly messed up my first show then didn't a2 again until JACO (the precursor to SAMMCO) took over crewing a year later. I a2ed (exclusively) for 6 years. During this time, I would ask questions of mixers and try to soak up as much as I could.... In June of 1999 (I didn't know it the day of the event) but I was about to mix my first game.

There was a scheduling misunderstanding. Thom Mechlin thought he was a2ing a visiting soccer show at Spartan. When he showed up someone said, “No you are mixing!” Thom asked me if I wanted to mix the game. My heart palpitated as I said, “I guess?” So Thom led me into the truck and set it up for me, then once I had my sea legs under me, he went out and a2ed the show while I mixed. I had always been terrified of 'sitting in the chair'. So thank you Thom for forcing me to face my fears... Not much longer after this Mark Ehrlich calls and says, (I quote) “Derek, I don't know what you want to do with your life, but if you want to mix I have a few gigs for you.” And the rest is (stressed out) History.

In Martial Arts they speak of lineage. This teacher studied with that master marching back through the generations. So I would like to take a moment and list my audio mentors (It is spooky to note out of these eleven people (including Thom) only four of them still mix in this market. Why would that be?): Wes Weaver, Rom Rosenblum, Vic Thomas, John 'Sherm' Sheridan, Roger Inman, Kevin Flock, Carolyn Bowden, Mike Wilson, Stefan Moirao, Dave Albiol. (If I forgot any other elder audiots, my apologies go out to you. Of course there are other mentors from directors and producers to my brethren in the tape room, to other current mixers and a2s----> too many to name individually... I am just the sum of my teachers.)

One of the reasons I have been thinking about mentors is the PAC-12 'Olympic Sports'. Who is mentoring all those technicians,students and operators? Who is teaching them the safest way to run a cable or secure a camera tripod? The fact is someday many of those people working those PAC-12 events will evolve up to more frequent SAMMCO work. Will they adapt to our safety protocols? Or will they fall back on what they have learned on their own? Has BAFA's training/mentoring legacy become a permanent resident of the past? Who will teach the students pulling cables for PAC-12 events how to over/under so they don't trip any athletes? Will it take a tragedy at a PAC-12 event to institute the OSHA safety principles we have fought so hard to have included in our contracts? Who will teach these kids that broadcasting a live sporting event has moments of fun mixed in with the terror --That there is time for laughter amongst the machinery?

I know in our union coffers there is money set aside for training. When and how will this get used? We had in the past set up training days-- I don't know if they will happen again... Regardless, the best learning is self motivated. Like Life, what you put in is what you get out. If one really wants to learn a craft one has to come in and ask the questions. Experience is a great teacher, but it should not be had at the expense of a client who expects a competent operator.

Finally, there are two reasons why we are so deep with talent in this market: 1) Steady year round work and 2) people willing to teach their crafts to people who wanted to learn.

Stop and think about your own story. Who were your mentors? What does the future hold?

Good Night Herr Doktor. Good Night Frau Blucher.(NEIGH!)”
 




Rom

P.S.. (from Rom)...Towards the end, where you stress the safety factor for those
up-and-coming kids working the PAC-12 fast-track...I'd mention safety, but
stress the craft and the small, cybernetic steps we all take as we move
forward in our professional journey. Blowing on the chrysalis will make
the butterfly come out quicker, but it will come out wet and deformed
and not survive.
The tried/true apprentice system we all came up in works for a few very
good reasons. Not the least of which is no one learns everything on
their first day...or first month...or year. We need that organic process
to get all the ducks lined up to make the best choices for our career
and for the show.

"Purple" Hazen and Wes "Dream" Weaver


*The title “When You Drink of the Water Think of the Source” is a quote from my Tai Chi teacher. It refers to an attitude of gratitude towards the lineage, traditions and teachings that are being shared with the student.
My Teacher, Dr. Alex Feng and I

Monday, December 24, 2012

It's all your fault, Charlie Brown!


                                                                                                                                 12-24-12
Dear Edie,

Yesterday I pinged my emotions. I was listening to hear what came back as to why I feel the way I do about Christmas. What happened to me? Why this mask? Why dedicate all this energy to being annoyed? Why can't I be ambivalent when I look at all the Stuff ?

I was surprised by what I heard coming back from my inner question... I think it is the disconnect between Christ's actions and this fucked up world we live in....I think it bugs me because Christmas celebrates the person rather than the actions of Christ.

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
-Mahatma Gandhi





(Adding insult to injury, the person being exalted is Santa Claus!) (Ironically it seems the Republicans are right on one issue: P.C-ness has stripped Christ from Christmas. And with this neutering any connections to the sacred and profound are sacrificed on the alter of the cash register.)


(We have talked about this before Edie, but I don't think it is a coincidence that Christmas Day is always near the Winter Solstice. The birth of Christ = the return of Light. The metaphor is rather obvious. But what is unemphasized in our culture is that it's just part of a cycle with Darkness, turn,turn,turn: It is a sine wave. We can see this as we watch the sun set from our deck further south then eventually turn around and march north again as the days get longer.)
Anyway, how does one celebrate deeds or actions without actions of ones own? Maybe we need to add some deeds to our traditions?

I think the Magi and their gifts threw us off the trail. We took the gift motif and ran right off the path.

Over time our culture chose gifts not acts, stuff not substance. I would say an apt metaphor would be smoke to fire, but it is not even that. It is like the echo of an ember's pop off a stone canyon's wall- the real spark happened long before what we perceive today as Christmas.

This is going to sound very hippy, but perhaps the way to celebrate Christ is to be like him: Help People. (And yet my actions to date go no further than a sour taste in my mouth. (Complaining in your head can only do so much good...)) I will work to add actions to my words....

You know what? That's why I like Christmas music. The message and the lyrics. The oldness of the melodies, (they are like Beatles songs in their familiarity.) These select Christmas songs are the only remaining subtle tastes of the sacred and spiritual in our 'Christmas Holiday time'. Some of these songs sing of peace and holiness-of hope and joy. They act as arrows pointing back to meaning.

You know Edie, now that I think about it, it is all the 'Charlie Brown Christmas Television Special’s' fault! Linus in the spotlight with his sincere decree about what the spirit of Christmas is about. You can blame that TV show! Here you can watch Linus's speech....

I want to decree as well: There are other traditions we have at Christmas that I do like: I like our family time. I really do value our togetherness. I also like our wind up toy competition. I want to tell you, I like how we decided last year that we would not travel and we will stay at home and build our own traditions. I think a major aspect of the Christmas is PEACE, and traveling and schedules diminishes this peace with every traffic jam and hurried plan. I will make choices next year to bolster this decision.

Or maybe next year we could start our own religion based on the Biofield? http://www.croftcommunications.com/mandala_science/biofield.html



Within our Biofield based religion there will be no person to be revered, no person to make mistakes. What do you think? Shouldn't be too much work   :-P   ....

Anyway again, I hope this explains a little of my grinch-itude. I know I am not an easy person to be with in December. I am sorry. I do not want your or our kid's memory of Christmas tainted by my bah-humbugedness. I will try and cultivate ambivalence and be quiet until our Biofield religion gets off the ground. I will try not to sing this song:Link to ... NSFW Christmas Song

Forgive me. I love you,

Derek


Friday, September 28, 2012

The Greatest Gift



Years ago my daughter gave me a great present. It was an empty box with the word 'Time' written on the inside. I treasure this gift because, besides love, 'Time' is the most valuable thing: I believe the more time one has the more one can practice.


I actually am a very simple person. I don't need much. I am happiest when I don't have to leave the house. When I can hunker down and practice the things I love to practice: ukulele, Tai Chi, and meditation. The kids are back in school and my wife is back at work so for the past week I have been able to play ukulele 4-5 hours a day. Then I eat lunch and go for a bike ride or a hike. The hikes are into huckleberry an sibley parks and I bring my ukulele with me. (Don't worry I play quietly!)... It is nice to be walking/strumming by a stream then Stop! and let the forest sound fall around you... Delicious! 








Uh Oh: there is another looming work stoppage in professional sports --> NHL flavor this time (again)! These sporting leagues I depend on, all seem to have labor issues...strikes or lockouts- whatever--they all suck. But by now I shouldn't be surprised. An analogy would be: This is earthquake country- Be Prepared! CACA PASA!

And
In truth, I am worried. But not terrified.

It’s just something I have learned
After leaves fall they will return.
Study the seasons then night and day.
You are born - then pass away....
When it gets cold even tears turn to snow
All these are stories even you should know…..
By now!
(Lyrics to a song of mine called 'Storymon'....)

So I may have more time off like this week's on my hands this fall if the NHL continues their labor dispute.

I have a plan....
I have brushed off some of my old tunes like, “Storymon” and “Share Your Solitude” and have been tinkering with them again...(I like the process of writing. The endless turnings and prunings and listening to this chord against that one. I listen for resolution. A feeling of 'right puzzle piece in the right space' It is hard to express in words...So with these songs and other favorite covers, my goal is to sculpt a set and perform them (OUT!) in an old folks home...
(I know, very captive audience derek, ha!)... I have had to think about the correct songs for this audience... No Pink Floyd.. 'Time' (Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day...") and No 'Shine on You Crazy Diamond' (Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun, now there's a look in your eyes like black holes in the sky)... I am aiming for a more upbeat set...





This idea started with a quote I found on twitter...

Use what talent you possess:
the woods would be very silent
if no birds sang except those that sang best.

It got me thinking.... Just get out there and give what ya got. It ain't perfect, It ain't pretty -but it is me -and I should share it. I want to show my kids with my actions that it is not all about me, or us....

We shall see as the autumn passes if I wimp out and stay at home gazing into my 'room full of mirrors'....  Regardless I am blessed to be able to practice. There is so much work to do....



In the meantime, what do you practice?




P.S I have found an ukulele teacher! Curt Sheller I HIGHLY recommend him if you are loking for an online music teacher...http://curtsheller.com/MAIN.php

The Path is the Goal--The Practice is the Prize.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

'The Most Difficult Choice You Will Make Today.'




'Paying Attention' implies that 'attention' has a cost. What is this cost? Perhaps 'attention' is the currency we are paying the world with?

One would think that paying attention is relatively easy. But it has never been easy, and it is getting more difficult due to the huge flux of modern distractions.

One thing I like about meditation and Tai Chi, is that these are tools to train your awareness; to sharpen the knife of noticing. When I sit following my breath I pay attention to when my mind leaves---> when I start thinking about something else besides my breath. It just happens---> 3-4 minutes go by with me thinking about other crap then I snap out of it then the 'Joy of Returning' brings me back to my breath.

There must be some evolutionary or biological basis for our ease of distraction/ lack of deep long term focus. Maybe animals who were more easily distracted noticed predators more often? And this trait survived to be passed to the next generation?.................................... What was I talking about?

Oh yeah, mindfulness/awareness....

I found this quote on twitter (so it must be true)... “The human brain can only stay focused on one task or person for 7-10 minutes before they lose our attention.”

From my experience, it seems that the majority of errors at work come from not paying attention. Just the other day, I had to 'grab a fistful' of faders when after speaking with my a2 I noticed that we were rolling a soundbite! I dove and got to it in time. No one noticed. Whew!

Mixers have to be able to listen to many items at once. We must listen through what's on program to hear cues.... We are like a dog that jumps at its name...It is part of the job. But even with all the sound sources/ stuff going on, I sometimes check my email or look at a text from my wife or A2. Inexplicably, It is like I seek out the distraction. ---> It changes depending on the sport. Baseball with it's meandering pace and layover days lends itself to distraction. Hockey not so much, (for me at least.) When KICU used to broadcast the A's I used to cue up ASCAP music to bump to break with at the same time I was mixing a game. After CSN took over full time, I missed the extra action/ extra stimulus, I needed a certain level of 'busyness'. Now I try to remember to just sit back, breath, and enjoy where I am.

We are all very skilled at our jobs of choice. And part of these skills is being able to react quickly. It just seems the internet has become so ingrained in our lives that it is always there,calling like a Siren from the Odyssey waiting to lure us to certain death against the sharp rocks. 
 
We have to train ourselves to stay focused. (camera pun intended) For camera operators have their own set of distractions besides the internet/phones/laptops. They have all those faces/bodies luring them away from presence. Plus blaring P.A.s and peanut throwing fans...Each discipline has its set of things to pay attention to/ignore.

Distraction is not going anywhere. We have to learn to notice when our gaze/awareness leaves what we are getting paid to do.... We are there physically, the goal is to stay there mentally as well... In my opinion, we owe it to the clients.

Again this awareness of what we are actually doing, pulls back up to a wider panorama of our lives: be aware of what you are eating, be aware of what your kids are saying to you, be aware of why someone/YOU might be upset, be aware of other cars/drivers,...give the world the gift of your awareness-- to the best of your abilities.

Where we focus our awareness is a choice. We can choose to be focused and present or we can be floating elsewhere---> moving furniture around the Theater of the Mind.

In closing, Sharon Salzberg defines Buddhism in 7 words: 'Everything is connected. Everything changes. Pay attention.'

Thanks for your time,

derek

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Don't Postpone Relaxation

'Sh*t Happens' on live broadcasts. We don't always have time to vent away the tension and clenched up moments of a show...The game is continuing and we need to keep transparently documenting what is occurring... That said.....

Without health we have nothing. You can have a huge house with a bank full of cash, but if you feel ill/miserable it doesn't matter... you just want to fell better, no matter what it takes...

Here is a story in a typical day for a live TV mixer....

The SAP open last weekend in San Jose was a typical live television event. We were televising two different matches one at 1:30 and one at 7. The 1:30 game was progressing along it's predetermined path. Game ends and it is time for the postgame interview. We are preparing for Raj Mattei to interview the winning player. This interview is also going to feed the house PA so all the in-house fans can hear it as well. We have had feedback issues with postgame interviews before (during the sharks) so we use one of the in-house wireless mics (They set it up, we just get a feed of that microphone). We faxed it before the game and it worked fine. ---> Well it didn't work for this interview. The a2 had the mic on but somehow in its signal flow it wasn't reaching me. I have to let the director and producer know it is not working while simultaneously telling the a2 to go to the hardlined backup. We decide to throw to break so I have to track the theme music and close the announcer mics while I am scrambling to get this microphone snafu sorted out. BLAH!!!! Once back from break, the transition to the interview actually went pretty smooth, and I didn't panic, but one can see how this type of event can lead to stress.

So where does all that knotted stomach energy go? Do we swallow it? What then? It has been scientifically proven that stress will shorten our lives. It lowers your immunity and increases our chances of getting sick.


The long-term activation of the stress-response system — and the subsequent overexposure to cortisol and other stress hormones — can disrupt almost all your body's processes. This puts you at increased risk of numerous health problems, including:
  • Heart disease
  • Sleep problems
  • Digestive problems
  • Depression
  • Obesity
  • Memory impairment
  • Worsening of skin conditions, such as eczema
(from --Stress: Constant stress puts your health at risk)


What we have to do is find individual tools that work for us and help us keep relaxed. (Truthfully, I feel this is the real goal of the world's religions, but that is another story.)


Everyone will be different. Here are some of the methods I use:

  1. First off notice what tension feels like in your body when you are getting stressed---> (My belly tightens up in a knot.) Once we notice these sensations we can A)Tell ourselves to relax. Then B) Be relaxed. C) Meditate. D) Store what being relaxed feels like inside of you. Remember that feeling later.
  1. Exercise.... (Check out this link on High Intensity Interval Training. ' How little exercise do we need?' http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/02/15/how-1-minute-intervals-can-improve-our-health/ )
  1. Use slogans like...“Where ever you are, be glad you are there.” ...Buddha Quote #118
Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.
  1. Smile as often as you can ---> “Fake it til you make it”
  1. Work as few days a month as is financially possible for you.
  1. At home, find things to practice and repeat them. (Ukulele, Tai Chi....whatever floats your personal boat...)
  1. For the lunch break, Eat Alone, If you can. (Surrounded by voices it is good to clear your head and ears. Eating alone also lends itself to mindful eating...(not that I always succeed at this...))
  1. Be prepared!... (Ask for, then read show open formats...find out which truck you will be mixing on...what console is on that truck....who is directing/producing. Don't be caught off guard... Also show up early (this reduces the stress of traffic) and bring food, (in case you don't get a meal...)
  1. On your days off, go outside away from humans. (If you can)... Look at the stars and/or rivers...
  1. At home play with your kids/dog/cat...They don't give a sh*t about your crappy day. Be present to them. Give them your time when they want your attention... Also take your wife/partner out on a date once in a while, they take the brunt of our shitstorms, might as well thank them too.
  1. You Don't Have to Look Far to See Yourself” Everyone else has stressful lives as much if not more than yours....Be them for a moment.... (I learned this during my two summer stint in the taperoom....)
  1. Turn down the volume in your sound cave. (as often as possible) Loud sounds trigger stress reactions.... (It is also a good way to check the balances in your mix....)
  1. 'Hey Mr DJ'... Read the vibe of the truck and yourself, listen to the overall mood. If the truck (and/or YOU) is overly keyed up play mellow/Feel Good music... I like Bill Evans/Vince Guaraldi/Andre Segovia/Bob Marley/Toots and the Maytals.
I have collected some other stress management responses from our friends and co-workers.

What tools do you use?...

Rom Rosenblum:

1)      The first thing that comes to mind is the old mantra: As bad as this PF is, there will be a WAY worse one down the road
2)      Another one is:  In ten years, I’ll never remember this day happened. (As I get older, I’ve amended that to “next year” instead of “10 years from now”. I don’t know if it’s my experience telling me that we flush out the bad stuff fast, or my belief that I won’t remember ANYTHING in ten years… not sure which).
3)      As a life-traveler with miles of family health issues, putting up with the vicissitudes of raising a kid, and the normal day to day crap we all have to put up with, and though I DO REALLY CARE how the gig goes, it’s just TV…they wouldn’t have made it so a 3 year-old could turn it off if it was that important, despite what we all think about our investment of self worth in this business.
4)      Even though we don’t keep the pictures we used to display all over the console, I do have mental images of them and remit my thoughts to those images, when getting into the quicksand that can take you down in a gig…Bob bitching about his IFB (Jim B.doesn’t faze me anymore LOL) or a module going crazy…then the peptic acid releases and panic ensues…then I close my eyes for a nanosecond, and remember holding Avi in one hand on that first day…NOW I can fix the issue.
Sean Larrett:

We work in a job that many people consider stressful. I have on many occasions been racing against the clock to complete complex tasks while someone is trying to accelerate that process by screaming at me. The good news is that I personally do not consider this job to be stressful in contrast to many other professions. In fact, I have begun to reconsider that notion a bit as I cope with high blood pressure and (perhaps) premature gray hair. But I digress.

I think the key for me to keeping work from being overwhelming is understanding my relationship with failure. Whatever stress I feel is usually a result of my being afraid to fail.  In these cases, it helps to put things in perspective. It sounds cliché, but at the end of the day, no one's life depends on my being able to build a :30 second rollout in time for the end of the show. I think that it's important to bear in mind that life's journey contains some wonderful things as well as some awful things, and there's no escaping that. I am confident that I will have to live with truly agonizing moments in my life, and also confident that none of these are likely to occur as a result of my inability to perform at my job during a telecast.

I have to be realistic about my relationship with failure as well: too much of it and I can lose my place in what is regarded as a competitive business. But I feel that with a solid foundation of professionalism and knowing that I try to give my best at work, I can tolerate whatever amount of inadequacy I may bring to the table without feeling panic-inducing levels of stress.

One thing I find can occasionally reduce stress is to fine tune my sense of empathy. There are individuals in positions of leadership  that we work with who use unacceptable language and intimidation when trying to get their messages across, but by and large I think that is a rarity. Mostly, the leaders (producers, directors, etc.) we work with are highly motivated to get a good show on the air, and when it seems like they are being curt/harsh/impolite with us, it's often because they can't deal with the stress themselves. When someone is "yelling at me," I try to listen for fear, stress, and insecurity in the voice of the so-called screamer. If I can hear that (which I most often do), it gives me motivation to help soothe this stressed person and prevents me from taking things personally. 

Sean Maddison...

I would actually say the single biggest factor in maintaining my mental stability in the live TV world is physical health.   Exercise is a enormous stress neutralizer for me.   Exercising on the morning of a game day has a major effect on my ability to effectively manage the various and many tasks that pile up prior to a broadcast.    And once we hit air,  my ability to make decisions on the fly is impacted by how clear my brain is when we go "live".    
Just as important as getting in a morning run is preparation.  The more I prepare, the more I review materials, the less brain power I have to spend on the general "BS" during a show, thus leaving what brain cells I have remaining to soak in the game, and make creative and logical decisions in real time.   We all know there is an extraordinary amount of preparation and preproduction prior to a show, much of which never directly shows up on air.    However, it is that very work that minimizes stress once the show begins, and allows for the overall greater good of the show.

Jim Armintrout

I think the biggest thing that any of us can do is be prepared. As a Producer I remember many long nights between the end of one baseball or hockey game and the start of the next. If I felt as prepared as possible regarding the building I'd be working in, the crew I'd be working with, and the teams I'd be covering, then I could get to the site, put the plan into action and enjoy the crazy swirl of setup, prepro, and the game itself as it took shape. If any of those areas were not covered it would be a recipe for a stressful day.

It's the same with Directing - knowing the place, the people and the teams gives you the ability to focus on the day and game as it unfolds moment to moment. A well laid plan is going to have hiccups; it's inevitable. But if you're as prepared as you can be then you find them much easier to deal with.

Once you are fully prepared, your emotional approach to the particular day is the next thing. We work for a living watching sports and putting them on TV for others to watch. We really don't have a lot to complain about, as compared, say, to almost anything you could do for a living.
So an optimistic spirit and an ability to let the "difficulties" of the job go by with a smile instead of a gripe is huge.
But trust me I know there are a lot of people out there (Tom Adza? Rick Ratusz? Jim Lynch?) who lived with me having a less than "perfectly positive" attitude at times, and while it's probably too late to issue a meaningful apology for those incidents, I can only hope that the next time we work together I'll take my own advice and prepare, relax, and enjoy.

Don't postpone relaxation....


Good Luck Friends.....

Breathe....

With Love and Aloha (as I understand it),

Derek

And Finally a look at job stress from a friend who has a truly stressful job, Doug Young, -- Fire Captain in Santa Clara...

Hi Derek-  This is an important subject and if ignored can also lead to  unhealthy relationships at home with spouses and kids alike.   I think what ever you do in life, stress happens and it's how you process it and recover from it.  After reading a bunch of articles over time, this one hits it on the head because it talks about how firefighters either bring it home or leave it at work.


  There is definitely a different mentality of firefighters and how they deal with some of the stuff we see at work and how it integrates in our minds and spirits away from work.  However, stress, I believe, is the same whether you are firefighting, racing a deadline or raising kids. Raising 3 kids, I must say, can be equally as challenging for body, mind and soul.  If you are conscious in raising kids, this can be even more exhausting as it is 'never ending and always changing.' One of our guys who was a Navy Seal before becoming a Firefighter once said that being a good parent was actually more difficult than some of his past Seal work. 
     I've always told people that emergency work is exciting because, like that company that tries to make the 1/2 hr. mark in delivering pizzas, we try to solve people's emergencies in 30 minutes or less:). What makes it successful for my guys is that we try not to take anything personally.  It wasn't our fault that the house caught on fire, grandma had a heart attack or someone got in a vehicle accident.  We are just there to fix the problem.  This gets difficult with bad kid calls.  All my guys have young kids and the kids we see who are in need of our emergency work, all remind us of our  own at times.  I think we just approach things systematically, and try, try , try to empathize but not internalize.  And give our kid a big hug we get home the next day. 
     I'm pretty lucky,  at my firehouse, my guys are all over 40 with no will for making things more dramatic than it should be.  They know the importance of working out daily or x2 daily, eating right and finding the humor in each other and life around us.  We laugh a lot at work- at ourselves and each other.  We know work is tough sometimes so, we figure, we might as well enjoy each others company.  Because we are a tight knit group, we stop and help each other when we are down emotionally.  We vent a lot about management, family and bad calls sometimes but, like a responsible friend, we vent and then try to find our inner peace because we all know that we don't want to share the day with someone with bad energy.  Sometimes, if one of us is having a difficult day, we give the guy more 'room' and less responsibility.  As a fire officer, sometimes, my guys want to do more because it keeps their minds off the stressor. I honor that but keep an eye on how they are processing the day.   It's easy to say, " Don't bring your home life stress to work, " but life happens and we know if we help each other out, the guy who is stressing will be able to make better decisions on the job. Sometimes it is all about making the guy and the whole crew laugh a lot that day.  Sometimes it is about letting the guy vent- we all feel better when we feel we have a listening but not judging ear.  A lot of times the guy having a bad day, actually tells us 'Thanks' for the great day . I hope this helps.  Sounds like a great topic for an article.
Sincerely,
Doug